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The Strength of Jesus -

I am a 47 yr old man from south Florida. I am married to an angel from heaven, and we share a little girl, 5yrs old. My wife is 23 yrs. old. My wife has SLE, or Systemic Lupus. Along with the disease she has kidney and liver damages. She was diagnosed in January of this year, 2004. Through her coping, through our coping, we have become closer to Jesus, not just for the hope of recovery, but for the sake that god is our savior, and we should praise everyday the goodness that we all receive, and at times do not know we have the goodness right in front of us.
I know the goodness was with me all along, both in Christ and in my wife Erin, because now she is gone. We separated in May of this year, 2004. Our separation was not because of her illness, as I have always stood beside her, and always will, until the end when Jesus sends the 10,000 angels to receive her and take her home. We separated because I too am afflicted with disease, but did not know it at the time I was treating her terrible, using foul language, name calling, treating her simply terrible. I knew there was something wrong with me, because I was reaching to Jesus for help, to help me help my marriage, my dear wife and family, and myself. I have been diagnosed just in the past 4 weeks with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and within the past 4 days Lung Cancer as well. When I was diagnosed with Lymphoma, I inquired if the condition might have contributed to the emotional state I would find myself in more often than I wanted to see. I was advised that because of the chemical inbalancing involved with this cancer that the possibilities for a person to totally change in attitude, disposition, behavior and depressive state were about 95%. I now know that what I did to my wife and family was not my fault, but that of this terrible disease that lives inside of me now. I also know that since I've strengthened my faith with Jesus that I am accepting this disease, but I can not accept that my family was torn apart due to this illness, and not me, Patrick. I've prayed day and night, in meditation almost constantly praying to Jesus to place back into Erin's heart the love that this disease of mine had torn apart. You see, Erin and I met by fate, by the hand of God, and when I first looked into her eyes I looked into the soul of an angel. An angel sent from God, that was meant for me. The very first time I looked into her eyes to say "I love you" I knew, at that time that we were to bond souls and hearts forever. We married on Easter Sunday of this year. On that day we exchanged vows of love for ourselves and the Lord Jesus. We pledged our love to one another and the holy spirit. I will always wait for you Erin, I will always pray that the Lord will once more touch your wonderful heart and allow you to see that the love that I hold in my heart for you and our little girl is a love sent from heaven, as each day I wake, is yet one more day that the Lord has filled my heart with love and unconditional passion for you and our family. There is no timeline that will keep me from praying and hoping that we will reunite in harmony and a joyous love of family. I know that Jesus stands beside us all, especially in times of sickness and need of love. I know Jesus watches over the angel that took my soul on January 4, 2002, I know Jesus lives and lives strongest in us that are in need of a special "miracle", a miracle of hope and eternakl happiness.
I love you Erin, now, forever, always.
God Bless and protect you all.

Patrick Maynard

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