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My confusion..... - Fayetteville, North Carolina

Well, I don't really know where to start on this, so I will just go with the flow I guess. It is October 30th 2003. I lost someone very special to me (the love of my life) on July 24th 2003. I still can't let go of the fact that I miss him so. I can't stop crying, it hurts so bad. Jason was a great man. He was always there for anyone in a time of need. No matter the need.I really do feel like we will be together again in the after life it is just I am finding it hard to live in this life without him here to hold me and kiss my pain away. I could always go to him whenever I was down about anything no matter how simple or difficult. I write poetry and I finely tried to start publishing in Febuary 2003 when we where together again and the first one that got published was writtten for him. I have written many poems I just never had it in me to try to start publishing until I got back with Jason and he showed me that I was as good as I want to be with my writing. He helped me relize so much in life. It just gets hard sometimes to believe it now. I try my best not to dought what all he had taught me during our time together. I met Jason when I was 18 and I am now 24, I have been in love with this man ever sence. I will always be in love with him no matter what. The thought of "He's to young" keeps passing through my mind. But then I remember death knows no age. Sometimes I don't know what to do, be mad,sad, cry, scream, hit something. Sometimes I want to do all at once. I just hope one day (soon) i will be able to cope with Jasons death, then maybe it won't hurt so bad. I don't know how much more of this pain I can handle. "Please help me throught this, Help me with the pain of it all." Jason, "I love you so much. Always have and always will. Please continue to watch over me, Meredith, Cydnee and Krystyan. (You know these babies love you too.) The life we had may be confusing but it was a life together. I will always charrish our times on earth and look forward to our times together in the after. I Love You Jason S. Paul..."

Susan , Fayetteville, North Carolina


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