POEMS FOR MY HUSBAND, HANI, WHO DEPARTED EARTH ON -
PLEASE READ MY HUSBAND'S EULOGY ON THE MEMORIAL PAGE.
1. LIFE AT THE MOMENT
I�m sitting here next to the man I love.
He�s sleeping now�in fact, He�s snoring pretty loud.
It�s music to my ears, to hear that sweet sound
Telling me he�s alive�and asleep.
He�s been poked and prodded so much to no avail
Except to cause him more pain.
I sit as guardian by his bed
Jumping up to ward off intruders
Who want to take his temperature and record it
On their charts, or ask what he wants
For lunch, when he�s not even allowed
A sip of water to wet his lips.
I sit as guardian to ward off charge nurses
And random nurse attendants who wish
To pop in with a loud smile and a handful
Of disturbance and wonder why I won�t
Let them in. I�m a nuisance and a thorn
In the side of their smooth operation.
I sit here knowing he�ll soon be gone�
On the outside and at my side�
Yet never in his spirit or in my heart.
It�s time for yet another unit of blood.
I pray he�ll sleep through it, although the nurse
Just crashed into a pole with a loud clanky sound.
2. CAN�T YOU JUST RELAX?
Why are you jumping up?
My pillows don�t care that they�re plumped.
My hair doesn�t need brushing.
I�ll ask if I want my face washed
Or if I feel like a glass of juice.
But what�s the use?
You care too much.
I can�t seem to stop you
From taking care of me.
I just need you to sit by me;
To be near; to hear what I say.
I just want you
Close. I want to see you
And feel you and have you touch me.
Where are you going?
Can�t that wait?
Can�t you just relax?
Please, just sit here�
It�s all I ask.
Think Love, my sweet,
My dearest one�
As time is growing short.
Think happy thoughts
And peaceful thoughts
Of all that God has wrought.
Breathe Love into
Your weakened lungs
And let Love fill your heart.
In all the ways
You loved me from the start.
Be Love�all Love
And nothing else
As you are heading home.
And let that Love
Light up the way:
The universe to roam!
Help him to go softly and gently
Into the night of eternity.
Help him to pass through the portal
Swiftly, and without pain.
I hear his labored breathing
And see his dark, sunken eyes
In his ever-thinning face.
He still smiles and makes jokes
With me during his ever-lessening
Moments of awareness.
I pray his passing will be his gain
Of a life free from woe
And weakness and everything that made
His spirit cry.
I watch him and touch him
And stroke his hair.
He is still there upon his bed,
And I will be here next to him
until he�s not.
Will it be today?
5. I�M NOT AS SAD AS I LOOK
I�m not as sad as I look:
What you see is only the part of me
That will miss him more than anything I ever missed
Before. What you see is the part of me
That will not see the part of him I used to see.
But what you see is only part of the scene:
There�s so much more than meets the eye.
For I�ll smile at the joy that he will feel at being
On the road to his permanent retirement plan,
With benefits that will never be reduced or taken away.
I will smile at his peaceful release from all the pain
And at the love he�ll have left behind in all the places
That I am; and, of course, I will smile at God�s gain.
6. WHAT WILL I REMEMBER?
�You don�t know how beautiful you are!� you said to me so often;
But the words that I�ll remember most
Were spoken the other day with such sincerity they caught me by surprise:
�There should be a special mirror that shows you your goodness,�
You spoke so softly to me. Then later, when we spoke of what may lie ahead,
You said, �There is only one outcome, one possible outcome: I will get better.�
Oh, my angel! How right you were! No matter what would happen,
You would get better! Better and better until you reach perfection.
Yet I think you hoped it would be here on earth, as did I.
I need to sleep. Memories may come to me then
Or not. But they will come, as I will some day
Come home and once again be with you.
Remember? We spoke of eternity.
It�s just a matter of time for me,
As it�s a matter of fact for you.
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